Entry #22

Adan,

It has been a week. Class has been cancelled indefinitely. Set is unfound, and the Tairona congregation has severely dwindled. Most of the Tairona have refused to return for services, and because they keep their children close at all times we were forced to close down the school again. Teaching those children was my life, my escape, and it gave me such a great joy. They seemed to love these lessons as well. We could learn so much about one another on any given day and to lose that connection has severely affected me. My diet has become sporadic once more, with moments of light to no eating, anywhere from two very light meals to no meals at all.

What do I do? I have tried so much to snap myself out of this terrible, depressive trance. I garden with Doctor Gil again, harvesting the weeds to be disposed, plucking tomatoes and collecting flowers to brighten up the infirmary. An infirmary now empty of patients who have insisted on being treated back at the village beneath the hill, or the ones in the jungle and along the coast. Pepita draws, and I read in her room, and in a way I enjoy these moments because she is not constantly asking about my health, how I am, how is my state. She just draws, and I just read. The moments are peaceful, but not enough to draw me loose from this miserable state.

Even Father Alvarelo, who usually knows just what to say, is speechless to my behavior. Father Leoncio would probably care more if he was not busy trying to calm the soldiers, all seemingly wild-like now that Lope has assumed control of the squad. Normally, he would have to answer to Captain Gonzalo, stationed on the coast, but with Gonzalo all the way out at the Yucatan, Lope answers to no one. He runs free around the mission, terrorizing the servants with harsh commands, and the violence and depravity he has wrought on Pepita is disgraceful.

The way Lope treats any of us is disgraceful. Just the other day I was taking a batch of dry linens off the lines behind the infirmary. I had them all gathered in my arms and was making my way back into the infirmary when I bumped into the man himself. He stepped away, straightening his shirt and eying me.

“You ought to be more careful, Nieve.”

“I am busy, excuse me.”

“Of course, after you.” He drew his arm out, a long gesture down the garden path that would lead me into the infirmary. I swept by him, and moved quickly down the path. In order to avoid any further, unwanted discussion, I ducked into the infirmary and set to work. I began dressing the beds, all the while keep an eye on the prowling soldier beyond the curtains surrounding the first bed I was working on. He watched me, smirking, some sort of joke known only to him circulating his mind over and over. “You and Pepita have grown quite close, I see.”

I did not answer, I moved onto the next bed.

“Such a relationship is so charming. Tell me, do little girls always whisper big secrets to each other?”

He was speaking oddly. I never knew him to have such an eloquent, cold attitude. He had always been rough, callous, violent, but never possessed such a malicious inquiry. Regardless, I was silent.

“Or are they as coy around one another as you are around me, little Hermana Nieve?”

I never even saw him, just the sudden disturbance of the white curtain. He flanked me, swept me right off my feet and had me on my back. He tilted his head, his nostrils were flared as if he were smelling me, but I could hear no sniffing.

“Answer when you are spoken to, girl?”

Remaining calm was difficult, I believe I was not honestly steady at this very moment. I was shaking in his grip, my eyes as wide as coins so much so I could feel the strain of my startled stare all throughout my perchance pale face. “I am busy…”

“So you say,” he snarled. This close to him, I could see that the change was not just in his voice. His appearance had morphed as well. He was very pale, with dark rings under the eyes now burrowing through my darting gaze. His breathing was rasped and strained, like a man with a heavy cold.

“You are sick, Lope,” I said, feeling the fever pulse off his skin at that very moment. The breath he expelled was even stale and reeked. Had he eaten something foul, or perhaps drank too much wine the night before?

“Indeed, so that is why I am here. There is no doctor though, and no nurse - my sweet little nurse - just you, and I wonder if you might help me. See, my Pepita has been quite stubborn lately. I do not like to be so forceful, but such stubbornness stands in the way of any satisfaction. Before you two began clucking, flapping your chops about so sisterly - sickening, really - I had Pepita lapping me up every night like the good little bitch I had made her.”

I stiffened, he was pinning me further into the bed. His pale face was turning red, and there was excitement to him that I could see in his eyes, and feel through his body against mine. I shut my eyes.

“And now? Now, she hits me so cruelly, she flings the coldest insults you would hear… all because I wanted a little bit of her time, all because she started talking to you. So, Hermana, I will say this once,” he huffed, trying to swallow a fight of hacking coughs to maintain the threatening note in his voice, “and no other time; stay away from her.”

“I cannot - ”

“If I see her speaking to you, if I so much as smell any trace of her on you the next time we cross paths, I will be sure to beat every little bit of you into the wall so that the Fathers will mistake you for mortar. Do you understand? Am I perfectly clear?”

I saw someone from over his shoulder, standing beyond the curtain; Doctor Gil.

“Lope Romero,” he barked, and I saw Lope’s eyes widen. He smiled wickedly at me, and straightened from my person. He pawed at his pants to fix them right again, and adjusted his sleeves so they were rolled around his elbows.

“Doctor Gil. Glad you could finally make it.”

“Perhaps back in the mission and among the hill you are a man who can do what he pleases. As I have the medicine and other tools to make you healthy again, I would recommend you behave yourself whenever you are here.”

“This is none of your business, doctor.”

“Under my roof? The roof I built myself for my practice? Yes, Lope, it is. I say this to you not as a request; you harm no one, and I mean no one.”

“Just fix me up,” Lope barked.

“No, I am afraid our session will have to be delayed until this afternoon. For now, rest and keep drinking water, and I will come to your quarters personally.”

“Hmph,” Lope snarled, and eyed my hatefully before taking his leave of the infirmary. He stalked around the doctor to do so, emerging slowly from the curtains so that the light muslin of them would drag along his broad shoulders. He slammed the door once he had passed the doctor, plunging us into silence. Doctor Gil came to my side with a cup of water shortly after this, and watched me with the utmost concern.

“You mind that man. You seem to have a knack for crossing him, so Father Leoncio tells me. Why not you avoid him for the remainder of your stay?”

I drank the water, panting. “This is my home too. I am not afraid of him.”

Doctor Gil frowned. “You should be. A man like that is not safe. Not for men, not for women. Unless you are some other creature, I would recommend keeping your distance.”

I paused, and I finished my cup. “Yes, doctor,” I murmured, and stood to leave, only to find his fingers wrapped around my wrist, and an imploring glance given up to me.

“And please… tell Pepita as well. I do not think she will listen to me anymore, at least when it concerns a monster like Lope.”