Entry #10

Adan, I wish you were here.

We rushed Carmen to Doctor Gil. He received us immediately, setting aside a smoldering pipe. Pepita made a face and put it out.

“What happened to her?” Doctor Gil questioned hurriedly as he waved us over to an empty infirmary bed. A white curtain was drawn around all of us.

“She became sick in the church,” Father Alvarelo informed, breathless.

“Dear God,” he covered his nose upon finally taking in the stench of the sick burning away on Carmen’s habit. “That will wake you up, sure enough. Pepita,” she had annoyed pushed aside the white curtain to join us. “I want you to change her into a white slip, please. We need to get this off of her.”

“Can I please stay with her?” I asked before I could be guided away from the bed.

“Only if you help me clean her face,” Pepita sighed.

“Yes, I will do anything you tell me to do. Just name it.”

Doctor Gil pulled Father Alvarelo away, and I could hear them discussing things beyond the curtain. What, I am not sure. I was far too focused on Carmen. Pepita peeled the habit and underskirts away from Carmen’s body, and for once I saw the effects of Carmen’s diet. Her bones were specifically pronounced beneath skin as jaundice and dry as old paper. Carmen’s fingers and lips were quivering, pawing at the vomit on her chin in disbelief.

“Easy, easy, let me clean you up.”

“Do not lay a FILTY FINGER ON ME! Clothe ME! Clothe me!” Carmen shrieked, and began to convulse uncontrollably.

The Doctor returned, snatching the curtain shut behind him. He held her down, and I cleaned her face upon his permission.

“Get away from me!” Carmen yelled at me, and gathered a wad of spit in her mouth after a scraping sound at the back of her throat. The wad was enough to peg half of my cheek, and I recoiled, wiping at it.

“Pepita, get the slip on her.”

“You little BITCH,” Carmen snarled at Pepita. “I do not want a WHORE’s hands on me! Put them in me, put them in ME!”

“Doctor, sedate her,” Pepita snarled, “before I wring her little neck.”

There was a surge, and Carmen swiped her armed free with a wrench. Her fist would have made contact with Pepita’s face were it not for a pronounced pop indicating a dislocated arm. Carmen reeled, throwing herself into her pillow with an unearthly scream.

“What is happening to me!? Doctor, help me! Help me!”

Two hands seized my shoulders and dragged me through the thin white curtain. I was drawn into Father Alvarelo’s tight embrace. He held me as I broke down and sobbed into his chest. I clenched the scapular hanging down his torso from his shoulders.

“Shhh,” he whispered. “Come outside with me. Come, come outside.”

I followed him as a sleepwalker would; not fully aware of my motions or travel, just dazed and unaware. He took me to the stable, and held back my habit’s coif so I could splash water from the trough over my face. I could have cared less if a horse had drank from it recently. He used his sleeve to dry my cheeks and chin.

“You did the best you could.”

“I did nothing. I… wiped her face.”

“None of that. You carried her, you were with her. There is nothing you can do for now except wait for Basilio’s verdict. From there, we will do what we can. Nieve,” he finished drying my face, “I cannot imagine what you are going through now.”

“I just want to lay down,” I whimpered, and dropped my face into my hands.

“Come then, I will take you back to your quarters. Just lean on me, I will not let you fall.”

I nodded, and he led me out of the stables. He braced me to his side, holding me much the same way he held Carmen on her first night here. Hard to imagine that was only two months ago. I relied on the good Father, and he supported me every step of the way. My progress was slow, but his steps were patient and considerate. We took a side entrance into the main mission building, avoiding the crowd that had pooled out from the church. I think the only one who saw us was Father Leoncio, who was then directing the traffic of befuddled soldiers and Tairona congregants.

We entered the mission, and made our way down several hallways back to my quarters. I fumbled with my key. Father Alvarelo very gently plucked the key from my shaking grip, and unlocked the door for me. He drew me inside, and helped me take a seat on the edge of my bed. He sat across from me on Carmen’s bed, and watched me closely.

“Will you be all right here, Hermana Nieve?”

“Yes,” I think I answered, I was not completely sure of my surroundings at the moment.

“I will check on you at lunch, and if you are well enough to travel to the mess, I will help you there. If you are not, I will return to the kitchen and send it to you.”

“Thank you, Father. For now, I think I will simply rest.”

He nodded. “Yes, Hermana Nieve,” he moved to stand, but I reached out and took his wrist.

“Father?”

“Yes, Nieve.”

“You are so kind to me. You are so kind to all of us. I am so grateful for your company and guidance.”

He lay his hands across the side of my face, bent his head, and kissed me on the crown of my coif. He left me, and that is when I began writing to you, Adan. Oh, I am so confused and worried. What if Carmen does not improve? Even if they do need to send her home, what if she is not well enough to travel? Things were going so well here, Adan. Now, Carmen is sick, and the children are afraid. I wish you were here, Adan.

I wish you could read this.